It's a Love Story

 I have an amazing man.  We have an amazing relationship, a journey of wonder, adventure and tons of debauchery!! There are intensely confusing and painful times.  There are intensely passionate and loving times.  I would have it no other way.  I firmly believe that you cannot love or grow, as a person or a couple, without pain and conflict.  He challenges and loves me in a way that I can understand and accept.  It truly does not get better in this life.

We are trying to craft a life and a lifestyle.  After all if you are going to spend this much time doing something you should do it with style.  Our style is part his kink, part my kink, part BDSM, and part whatever the fuck life throws at us next.  It is never easy but it is never boring.  Ain't nobody got time for boring! ;) 

Lately our life has been mostly the stuff that life is throwing at us.  That is fair, we have certainly had more than our share of just pure pleasure.  Life has made it hard to find time or energy. That has left me some time to think about what I am really craving for our life and how I communicate or fail to communicate.  Everyone communicate things in terms of what it means to them, but I do that to the ultimate extreme sometimes.  So now I would like to put some of my things in terms of what I think Fox might get out of them.

I have a serious interest in pain.  In this context particularly impact play. Spanking, whipping, beating, belting, strapping, paddling, caning. I could go on and on and on... I all the tones of impact you can imagine.  Sexual pleasure, pushing my tolerance, indulging my masochism, purging emotions, evening attitude, love of leather, indulging my violent side, punishment, correction, revenge, evenning the score, paying for the behaviors that I choose, attention grabbing.  All of it equally depending on where I am at that moment.  I talk endlessly about how I feel about all this and what I need.  Our biggest struggle has been punishment, holding me to certain standards, paying for bad behavior, and as a stop gap for a situation getting out of hand.  The problems center around my struggle with being ashamed of my need and my desperate need to have these things regularly.  Then there is his struggle with the time and effort required as well as his fear that all this control allows me too, and forces me to not make my own adult choices.  Something new occured to me today.  Something that might address these things in a very productive way.

With a little effort and time put in at the beginning and us both having a willingnes to be all in we may eliminate the struggle at the end.  Pain, anger, and resentment won't have to build up and erupt because they are all addressed in a productive way and vented.  This is the part I just realized.  The way I see it he can relish and enjoy taking my attitude and purposeful misbehavior out on my ass in a fabulously violent way.  I end in peace and joy but so can he.  He can fully embrace this form of violence and never have to feel bad or struggle with it.

Telling me he is going to tear my ass up.  Describing in detail all the violent things he wants to do.  Feeling the power and thrill of letting all that frustration and anger flow through an implement.  Watching my ass redden, purple, bruise, and bleed.  Seeing me involuntarily wince with the pain in my ass and thighs for days.  Knowing that I am thinking of him and how I can be better for him, me and us because I can feel the consequences of not doing that.  Planning implements, positions, new adventurous way to hurt me.  Relishing the evil feeling of looking forward to truly hurting me.  Even the sadistic joy of me moaning and fighting as the pain increases.  This is one of the very few times that the universe is handing him a totally acceptable and even desireable and demanded way of embracing his violent and sadistic side.  If he finds some kind of appeal in this then I think we could evolve to a whole new level of fabulous.

Reading it in print terrifies and thrills me so there must be truth and fabulous to it!

Rose;)

Nope...Not That Word...I wouldn't say THAT word

 The second it left my mouth I regretted it.  I desperately wished I could take it back, and then I felt him standing behind me and my stomach sank all the way to my feet.  He didn't make any sudden movements or sound angry or even speak above a whisper.  Just gently told me to get my gag and my leather belt and go wait for him at the abandoned house.   Then he turned me around looked in my eyes, gently kissed me and told me he loved me. 

My knees and hands shook visibly and I felt vaguely nauseaus but I did as I was told.  I had literally asked for this.  My stupid ass had gone to him and directly asked him to help me to never say that word at the lodge again.  Famous last words, it seemed like a good idea at the time.  Those beautiful girls were absolutely worth what I was about to go through.  They better grow up to save the (not going to use that word) world.  

It was a much shorter wait than I anticipated, or more likely, than I hoped.  As he approached I stood and faced him.  I had already taken off my belt and I handed it to him with a shaky hand.  This was not going to be fun.  He put my gag in, took down my jeans and kissed my forhead.  Reminding me one more time how much he loved me, he bade me to hold on tight.  I found myself bent over and held firmly in his grasp so I couldn't get away.  

He took that leather belt to my ass harder and faster than ever before and repeated over and over again, as he whipped me visciously, "You will never say that word in the lodge again!"  I begged, apologized, screamed, cried and tried to pry my body out of his hold.  It felt like he was stripping the skin from my ass.  I found out later that he literally was stripping layers of my skin off with that leather.  

It was only about five minutes but I literally thought I was going to die he beat me so hard.  He had stopped but hadn't let me go or stood me up.  I did not have the presence of mind to wonder why.  Probably a good thing I did not know what was coming, because it was about to get worse.  I would not have thought it possible. 

He told me in a quiet, calm voice that he took this very seriously and he was going to make sure it didn't happen again.  I was informed that there was a serious paddle in my future that night, which nearly stopped my heart, but for now he was going to whip the back of my thighs as emphasis that I was never to say that word in the lodge again. He was as good as his words.  I didn't know that it was possible to feel that much pain and not pass out.  That leather whipped my thighs so hard for that minute or two that my memory is even blurry with pain.  It was mercifully short, but he had to literally hold me up on my feet for a few minutes afterwards while I remembered how to breath. He kissed my forehead and asked me earnestly to never do something that made it necessary for him to do that again.  Reminding me not to come to the lodge until I was composed he made sure I knew that he could and would make it worse if it happened again.

I have had an insane amount of bad habits.  I suck at giving up those habits.  I have still never been able to quit smoking and occasionally I find myself chewing my nails.  I promise you with everything that I am that I will never say Fuck in that lodge again.  I may never even be able to utter the word outloud again.  I have never been in that kind of pain, and it lasted for weeks.  I have also never been this grateful.  I know it cost him to whip me like that, and then cost him even more to paddle me that night.  The paddling wasn't as severe but paddle me he did, and not lightly.  I have the best man in the world.  His love for me and those little girls allowed him to give me the help I needed in a way that I could understand and remember.

Thank you for being just fabulous you baby!!!!

Rose;)

Homemade...Sorta

 I have a friend that is an amazing cook.  Everything she has ever made me has been next level.  I asked her once if she had any tips for me. I will never forget her reaction.  She smiled real broad and winked and told me that you don't have to reinvent the wheel, you just have to season it better than everyone else.  Turns out she used a ton of premade ingredients in everythihg that she made.  The secret was the things she added to make it her own.  In the spirit of one of the sexy women I have ever known a piece of spanking fiction for you.  Some of it plucked premade from life and some is my own special seasoning and 100% homemade.  Enjoy!;)

She rolled her eyes as he called her name from across the parking lot.  She had not idea why but she had been pouting and acting like an asshole every time he called her name for days.  She just couldn't seem to get past it.

He saw her over exaggerated shoulder role and the way she dragged her feet as she came closer.  As she got close she actually rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.  He almost laughed out loud at how ridiculous she looked but he was truly far from amused and this attitude had to stop and it had to stop now.  He took a calming breath and took her elbow.  Gently but firmly he led her back to the camper that she started at.  

She was dragging her feet and she knew she should stop this crap but couldn't seem to find the off switch.  She seemed to always be irritated with everything these days.  What was even worsee was she could feel it getting worse.  She knew he had to be totally fed up, but it was only in breif moments of clarity that she knew any of this.  Mostly she just felt pissed of and justified to be so, and she was acting like an asshole. 

He knew they needed to talk.  He had to find out what was really bothering her.  She wasn't acting this way because she was genuinly annoyed with everything he was doing and saying.  He knew something was eating at her heart.  There was only one way to get through to her when she was this far gone into her head.  He had let this go on way to long and this spanking was going to be long and severe, but what she was about to get was just going to get her attention and let her know what would be coming tonight when he would have the time and privacy to give her the severe beating she needed, and whether she would admit it or not at the moment, what she wanted.

It started to occur to her that she may have gone to far as he led her into the camper.  He didn't look angry just serious and stern.  Not good news for her.  She had known a spanking was coming, and if she was honest had been hoping, for days now.  She was so grateful to have this man.  It was not easy to be the man to discipline and love a woman like her.  She spoke a complicated love language and he was fluent in delivering it to all the parts of her that needed.  Right now he was going to deliver the message to her ass, and it was going to hurt a lot!!!  She was releived, grateful, and so in love with this man.  She was also absolutely terrified by the thought of the pain that was coming.

He stood her in front of the couch and bent her at the waste, pointing to the couch where she should place her hand.  In one move he had a large, heavy, mango wood paddle off the wall and had his left arm around her waist pulling her hip tight against his so she could not get away from him.  He smacked her bare ass hard and fast with the paddle.  Each swing a little harder, the pace never letting up.  He knew that leniency at this point would make this whole exercise a complete waste and he was done putting up with her crap and shee was going to here that.

It wasn't long but it was hard and fast and she was crying and fighting against him by the third or fourth swing.  Part of her was so grateful that he didn't stop, but she couldn't help her instictive reaction to pull, squirm, and yell.  She couldn't just fall into the catharsis.  She was still just too unreasonably angry. She knew this short session was not going to come close to cleansing her or correcting her so she set her teeth hid behind her angry.

He stood her up and knew he had not even scratched the surface of the thing she was struggling with, but he had her attention and she had better control.  Satisfied that he had accomplished what he had time to do immediately he held her, told her he loved her so much, and gave her instructions for the real beating that was coming that night.  He had a plan, and he knew it was going to do them both so much good.  He looked forward to getting both of them past this miserable place they were in.

That night she found herself in a long rain coat bent over a giant fallen tree. There was a thick rubber pad and a soft comfy blanket underneath her and a loos gag in her mouth.  He ankle were tied to her wrist so she could move around, or more importantly, she could choose to present hWer ass and thighs to him. What was coming was terrifying and it was going to be beyond intense and painful, but she could not have been more grateful that it was coming.  She knew she would be clear and fabulous after this was over.  She wouldn't have to worry about him being angry or annoyed anymore.  As she her the sound of a cane cutting the air behind her she took a deep breath and remembered who she was and how much she loved her life and this man.

This was not short.  He beat her with eight different implements in multiple sets each.  There were a few times he went light to let her breath, but mostly he beat her hard.  He knew erasing her pain and anger, and erasing his frustration and anger required that he not hold back. Nobody benefitted if he went soft.  It had taken quite a journey to get to this healthy place in his head where he could beat her like this, but he no longer had a single doubt about what he was doing.  Starting with the welts he raised on her ass and thigh with his thin wicked cane, through the hard wooden paddles that swelled her flesh and made it bright red, to the leathe belt that started to bring bruise lines with every vicious swing, the second cane that brought a touch of blood to those welts where he felt excitement and a touch of trepidation, to the looped silicone wire that he had created just for her and her very own leather belt which he had made.  Her belt marked the begining of the worst pain.  He was vicious with each swing and gave her not breathing room into the big leather strap.  He had once used that strap to keep himself safe and tonight he was going to swing it hard and relentlessly to save her from herself.  Two more implements to go.  She was a crying worn out mess and almost purged of all his frustration.  He wrapped his body around her and loved on her for as long as he could without breaking the purpose.  She had come to a purging and was weeping and thankful.  He gave her finally instructions and then braced himself as he swung the hard plastic grid stick he had made for her as hard as he dared ten excruciating times.  Immediaately he picked up the thing she loved the most, his thick leather belt that he wore around his waist every day. He put all his love in that leather as it tore across her swollen bruised ass and felt her let go of the last of the pain and anger.  

As the last lashing of the belt ended she felt all of the horrible things fall out of her leaving clean and she cried how much she loved him and how grateful she was.  He wrapped his arms around and somehow released her writs and ankles at the same time.  They held each other in a pain induced bliss. She started kissing him, wanting to feel him inside what was now her dripping pussy and cum all over him.  His beatings always turned her on, althought she didn't really realize it until the pain was over. They fucked each other hard and he made her cum and squirt over and over until she took his cock in her mouth.  There was nothing more blissful than sucking his cock with or without the beaating.  She thrilled on the gagging, thrusting, and desperate overwhelminhg desire that rolled off of him.  She begged him for fuck her face hard and cum and as he looked in her eyes with burning desire and love he fucked her mouth hard and fast and came explosively down her throat and chin.

As they laid spent wrapped in each other they were both marvelling at having found and accepted something this fabulous, and never again would it matter what anyone else thought or said.  They spoke the same language and they spoke it to each other with everything they had.

Rose ;)