Purge

When I come back from out of town there are always about a million things that are floating around in my head that I didn't get around to saying, or asking.  I figure if I write them all down then I don't have to carry them with me and wonder about them constantly.  So here goes.

1. I don't want to be the girl you describe by saying, I love her to death and I've known her forever but the sex isn't really that great.
2. What exactly does, "I have made a commitment to you" mean?
3. Does it bother you that you always pay for everything, because it makes me feel like an ass.  Less so if what you are paying for is liquor, but still.  I totally get that you are in a much better financial place than me for many reasons, but I am 42 years old, you would think I could pay for my own coffee by now. 
4. When they told me I had cancer for the third time it wasn't half as terrifying as hearing you say that you would totally dump me if Donna asked you to, I totally get it and I even agree, but it hurt a really lot.
5. I was shocked as hell when you told me you talked to her about me moving in with you.  The concept had never even occurred to me.  I am incredibly flattered that you gave it serious enough consideration to talk to your girlfriend. 
6. I want you to help me meet people, specifically people in the BDSM community, for two reasons.  You know most of the best people and if you are going to do it you should do it with the best. Second, I am smart enough to know that I could get myself in serious trouble meeting strangers and I know you will keep me safe.  If  you don't want that responsibility you should be completely honest with me.
7. You are incredible at taking care of me, even from five hours away.  I don't say it nearly enough, but thank you.
8. All the other ones are logistics, important logistics but just logistics, this one is the important one.  I know I say it but just so you know.  I LOVE YOU.

Hopefully that will hold my insane brain together for a little while.

Rose