Saturday, June 21, 2014
I Am Not Going To Email or Text Him This Weekend
So I made a vow to myself that I was not going to text or email Ed this weekend. Especially not about anything DD.
There was so very little chance of me actually refraining that even I knew it was a lie. I did try....sort of. I had a wonderful realization. It was a really important realization. Yeah I don't buy this line either.
I realized that I practically begged to do him some sexual favors before he left for the lake. Now I know that the reason for this is that he is being all manly and HoH and this turns me on like nothing else. When he stands up to me and thoroughly punishes me I feel protected, loved, cared for, taken care of; use whatever phrase you want. However, I am still not sure that he understands any of this so I felt it necessary to email him and tell him all about it.
That would have been great except I could not resist adding some purely helpful (pushy and controlling) tips about using warms up spankings so that he can be more thorough and not have to worry about bruising. I was just trying to help. Yeah, I was trying to help him do things my way.
Here is the problem. He has said before that he doesn't have any references on this lifestyle and he is not the "go out and find a mentor/ read blogs for information" type of guy. He also told me that if there is something he needs to know about how this can work well for us I should share. However, I know he gets sick of hearing about, talking about, being bombarded with, this whole DD thing especially my concern (obsession) with spanking.
I have not heard from him. So now I am convinced that he is already sick of it and has decided that it isn't worth the effort and doesn't want to bother. I am heart sore.
During a punishment I usually think that I have lost my mind and I would much rather do almost anything than what we are doing, but at times like this I would sooooooo much rather be bottom sore than heart sore.