Saturday, July 8, 2017
Lazy and Demanding
First the entirely too wordy preface. Half of me thinks labels are ridiculous. People are never only one thing. They don't like or dislike any one thing. Every person demonstrates traits differently. It is impossible to describe someone accurately, or know them thoroughly, from just the labels attached to them. Half of me thinks that labels are awesome. I can use one word, instead of a whole paragraph, to communicate to a whole community of people something about my psyche and what makes me tick. I can find people who may identify with my desires and interests. Plus, and I get how this makes me a little crazy, I feel safe knowing that I belong.
Having said all that, I identify myself as a sub and very occasionally a slave. I feel safest and happiest when I have someone who takes care of me. Keeping a handle on my destructive behavior, guiding me to the place where I am honest and open, allows me to take responsibility for my behavior without shame or emotional abuse, guides me through things that I find terrifying into pleasure, is willing to do all the physical things that keep me balanced and demonstrate the consequences of my actions. There is more but that should give the basic idea.
The question here is, does all of this make me a sub or does it just make me lazy and demanding? Do I identify myself in this way so that I don't have to do anything or take any responsibilities in relationships? Am I just looking for someone to take all the burden that should be shared between two people in a relationship? Am I never going to be satisfied with any relationship because no one will be able to provide everything that I want in a relationship?
I don't want to be lazy and demanding. I really do see submission as a gift. Perspective is sometimes hard to achieve when you are looking at it from your own angle. I wonder, will the people that know me best have the answers to some of these questions, and if they do will they be honest with me? If the worst is true, how do I even begin to fix these things?
So, am I submissive or am I lazy and demanding?