Monday, March 10, 2014

Be Careful What You: Bitch About, Want, Nag, Ask For

I am sure that this is a blog that many people in ttwd blogland have blogged about in the past.  This would be the first time that it has happened to me and I am STILL learning the lesson.  Hopefully I will get it this time and not have to repeat this awful learning process again, but I am getting ahead of myself.

This all started on Monday when Vincent came home and announced that he would probably be loosing his job at the end of the week.  Now, I really do love Vincent with everything that I am so my first reaction was genuine concern and empathy for the pain, turmoil, stress that he must be feeling.

However, I am essentially a selfish person. So my second reaction, hard on the heels of the first, was to be pissy because he was going to come home exhausted and withdrawn and I wasn't going to be getting the attention I needed and wanted, punishment or otherwise (yeah, I know, you are incredibly shocked by this reaction).

So enter the passive aggressive subtly snotty Rose.  I really wasn't doing it on purpose.  I simply took on this personality.

It wasn't too bad until we came to bedtime and I went into full pout mode.  Vincent started out with the same approach he has always made, asking me what is wrong.  When I refuse to answer (yeah, no one saw that coming) he goes into full HOH mode and tells me to come to bed now and straighten up my attitude.

There was still a wall between us all night because we didn't talk at all.  So the next day comes with my attitude getting worse by the moment.  I went to this personality.

All he says that night is enough with the attitude.  I figure that we are just going back to the old way of me pouting and him shutting down.  Anyone want to guess how wrong I was?  WAY WAY WRONG!!

I go to bed to pout and he tells me to get naked and get in position because we are going to handle this situation.  (This is what I wanted, really I wanted this to happen, except not so much anymore).

I get the scary butterflies and start the, 'what was I thinking', inner monologue.

I guess I was taking way to long doing my inner monologue thing, because I got, "This is getting worse the longer I have to wait."

Where is the guy who wasn't getting this?  Where is the guy who wasn't on real sure footing yet?  Where is the guy who hadn't found his authority?  Stating the obvious: He was gone.

In his place I got a man who laid me over the edge of the bed and proceeded to use three different implements to remind my head, via my butt, of exactly how he wanted me to act.

I whined and squirmed, he told me the more I squirm the worse it gets and proceeded to hold me down.  I said I was sorry over and over, he told me that I was going to be sorry and I was going to learn.  He took his time, he was thorough, I was seriously rethinking this decision.

When he was done he pulled me into his arms and told me that I needed to try harder to remember and be respectful and that this was over and we had wiped the slate clean. I felt loved, cared for, and not even remotely guilty angry or

I was once again assured that this was the right thing for us.  However, during the punishment I have to admit I was cursing myself for ever even thinking about this or reading a single blog.

Be careful what you bitch about, want, nag, ask for.  Because your butt may end up getting it.


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