Thursday, February 27, 2014

Taking Hold of His Role

Some of this is going to be repeat from the last blog but bear with me.

I am a woman.  I am a woman with an insanely active brain and some security issues.  Our relationship has been VERY rocky.   I am very verbose and he is just NOT.  I use a lot of big words and over explain things all the time, both of which make him nuts and he tends to shut down.

So we started this DD lifestyle and he made rules and agreed to the whole thing.  Then in my mind he seemed to loose interest.  Now by this point I had done, literally, days of research on the internet and had a picture in my head of how this was supposed to work.  It wasn't working that way.

I tried taunting him, breaking rules, whining, pouting, and yelling.  Nothing.  Then I just told him that I understood that he didn't want to do this and forget it.  This got his attention, because apparently he wants to do this almost as much as me he just wasn't sure how.  So we talked about some hows and he said he wanted this role as HoH.  I realized if I wanted him to embrace his role I had to embrace mine.

So I took out all the hard limits and no's that were in place for our D/s relationship, baked a cake, made dinner, made a list of my transgressions for the last week, and put together a bag of punishment implements for him.  He accepted it all but seemed very nonchalant/uninterested.  He works about twelve hours a day dispatching for a trucking company and he is very tired when he gets home.

So we get to bed and I am watching TV in just my underwear.  He climbs into the bed and it looks like he is just going to lie down then he turns to me, takes away my cuddle pillow and tells me to get naked NOW in a voice I didn't even know he had.  Then he told me to turn on my stomach put my butt in the air and look at the wall.  I have to admit I was terrified and excited all at the same time.

I have a pretty high pain tolerance, especially for spanking, so I didn't expect him to really punish me with any effectiveness (I have to stop underestimating him or my butt won't survive).  He went through all his implements one by one and finally focused on the switch.  He is very effective with a switch.  It stung more and more and he hit me harder and harder and never hit the same spot twice.

When he was done my butt burned but we had incredible sex.  Massive orgasms, yes plural.  Then we ran into a little problem, and my mouth (my butt hates my mouth).  He asked if I enjoyed that and I assumed he meant everything including the spanking and I started to pout.  I am not supposed to enjoy punishment and if he doesn't get that then he really doesn't want this and he just wants kinky sex. See how insane my mind works, you don't want to go into my mind, it is a scary place.

So he knows there is something wrong with me and I try to shut down but he is having done of it.  He pulls the whole thing out of me and assured me that he did want the whole nine yards (I really stick on a bad reference don't I).  He says I don't seem to be getting anything out of the punishment thing and asks if my butt hurts.  This is where my big fat mouth came in and got me in trouble.

Now he had worked me over with the switch very effectively and thoroughly, but the thing about a switch is that it hurts a lot at the time if you use it right, which he does (insert curse word here).  However, after about five minutes the effect is gone and there is no pain.  Soooo when he asked if my butt hurt I said no, not at all (told you I have issues).

We talked about ways to make punishment more effective and still quiet and doesn't require a lot of time to get it's point across.  We live in an apartment building and we have two kids. I will give you one guess what happened next.  Yep, that is correct, I opened my big mouth fat stupid mouth.  What about a wire hanger I said, not thinking that it would hurt that bad or that he would go for it.  He went for it.

He got the wire hanger out of the closet and told me to lay on my stomach and put my butt in the air.  Like I said I have a pretty high pain tolerance.  I barely make a sound when he is using the switch at full force.  I have never asked him to stop.  I usually  think he is a bit too light (I think he might still be working through his issues about hurting me).  Enter wire hanger.

He starts to barely hit me with the hanger and I cringe from the serious sting.  Then he starts to hit harder.  He smacks and I wriggle all over the place.  My mind explodes in pain. As he rapidly hits at medium hard I cannot keep still.  I am moving all over the place. Then I actually beg him to stop.  He does stop and I am insanely relieved thinking we can just put the experience behind us.  He asks if my butt hurts now (using his fabulous 'I mean business voice') and I whimper yes sir.  He hits me one more time hard and pain explodes through my body.  Then he says, "I stopped because you asked me to, but next time I won't.  If you cannot behave yourself then you will be getting punished thoroughly from now on."

Pause here to explain that we have been doing this for about two weeks.  He is learning scary fast.

He gives me permission to get up and get a cigarette (yes I know it is awful).  As I leave the room I stick my tongue out at him and he says, "I will deal with that later."  Told you he was learning scary fast.

Things come in threes and my big mouth is no different.  I am laying there and I point out (yes I am stupid) that now he has a tool he can use at pretty much any time.  We never have to have an argument again because if I start getting smart mouth or start to pout or won't talk he can warn me once and then take me to the bedroom whether the kids are up or not, because it is really quiet, and hit me three or four times with his new best friend, just that few hits would make an impression, and then tell me I am going to get thoroughly punished later.  End of argument, trust me.

It is going to be really really painful for a while.

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