Thursday, February 27, 2014

The Back Story

I know, you are thinking, "Please not another DD blog that tells the same story, but I have always wanted to do this and I NEED to put my thoughts down about all of this.  Like most things in life there is a story behind all of this.  I will try to keep it brief, but my tendency to be naturally verbose is working against me.

My partner and I have known each other for about eight and a half years.  We met when I moved in next door to him, and my oh so helpful roommate told me that I ought to try it out and see what I thought.  Try it out I did and through a series of circumstances that are another story completely I very soon became pregnant.

I know women who get pregnant and they glow and have energy and just feel like wonderful creating new life.  I am NOT one of those women.  My blood pressure rises, I get gestational diabetes, my kidneys shut down, and eventually so does my liver.  Not pretty or easy, but I make beautiful babies (I know I am not objective but I have been told by objective sources).

My partner was kind, helpful, understanding, and wonderful during all of this and then we had our perfect baby boy.  You would think that after all I went through that I would never want to have another child, but you will soon realize that I don't learn very quickly.  So less than one year later they took my beautiful daughter by emergency C-section to keep me from dying. Obviously (I also state the obvious rather often) I made it and have two amazing babies and am permanently fixed so that I cannot do that to myself again. (Imagine that I am something of a masochist)

Now my partner was an over the road truck driver for most of our relationship, so he was really only home about one weekend a month.  I promise I will not go through every detail of our relationship.  I will just say I am very hard to live with sometimes, and he is no prince himself (I say this only because I know he won't read this blog, at this moment my backside is reminding me to be good, well careful).

We are both very passionate people who had really screwed up childhoods and carry a lot of baggage.  You can probably imagine the screaming competitions.  We would break up and one of us would leave, we would get back together, only it would take months because we are both also really stubborn.  To make a long story short he ended up in the city with my babies and I was left behind.  Things calmed down and he allowed me to move in with him and the babies.  I knew that I wanted this to work this time (we really do love each other to an epic degree).

Then I read Fifty Shades of Grey (now you may shake your head with shame).  I approached him with the idea of D/s with a great amount of trepidation.  He embraced it, and after a few hesitant attempts he starting getting good at spanking in sexual play.  The sex was insane good, but frankly we had always been pretty good at that.  Our relationship has taken a LOT of damage and I knew we were on the right road but it was going to take more to put the pieces back together.  Then I stumbled on a Domestic Discipline blog.  Fast forward through three days of me reading blogs from beginning to end.

I approached this with insane trepidation.  He liked the idea.  He wanted to do the whole thing.  Not just the kinky sex, but rules, standards, punishment and the whole nine yards (pause for moaning at the bad reference).  We went through a couple of weeks of him feeling his way out and me being impatient.  Then I read some really good advice on a blog that said if you want him to take control then let go of it yourself and submit.

Sooooo, I took out all the hard limits and safe words and no's that we had in place, wrote a list of all the things I had done to break the rules, and put together a bag of implements for him to punish me with.  Then I baked him a cake, made his dinner and presented him with the list and bag.  He stepped up big time. To read about that story you will have to read the next blog. ;p

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