Thursday, February 27, 2014


Yes folks I am really this stupid.

What have I done?  And right before the weekend too.

I HATE Hangers

So even after last night my stupid head still wasn't sure if he was going to keep it up or if that was just a one time thing.  I really have to stop underestimating him.

So this morning was a little different than most weekday mornings (and not just because my backside hurts like hell).  We are usually up between five and five thirty and he leaves for work about quarter to six.  Then I get the kids up at seven.  He had a meeting at eight thirty this morning so he slept until seven.  I was still up at five thirty but couldn't get in the bedroom so I forgot that all the punishment implements and the lube was all over our bedroom floor.

So my daughter wants to go in there and watch something and E(my partner) yells from the bathroom, "Is all of that stuff still on the floor?"  I curse, bite my lip, say yes sir very meekly and then run to the bedroom.  I get my daughter to leave and then I get on my knees on the floor and start to clean up.  You can see what is coming here can't you, yeah well I did not.

I here him come up behind me as I am packing up the bag and I tell him his new favorite is right there under the bed, it is a hanger and therefore innocuous enough to leave it out, and I am trying to encourage consistency so we can really embrace this lifestyle (yeah, yeah, I know, stupid).  He asks where and I show him, then he says let me see it so I can tell if it has been bent. Yeah you definitely see what is coming here.  I STILL didn't.

I give it to him and then he says bend over.  He hits me hard on my butt with his new best friend about ten times, and I do mean HARD.  Then he says, "Don't ever forget to clean up these things again."  I am not really sure that I want him learning this quickly.  I am definitely sure that my butt doesn't want him learning this quick.  Can you feel what is coming, yeah, enter big fat mouth.

I tell him how surprised I am at how fast he is learning and he says, "I am just getting started."  I really have to find something that numbs my butt and hide it from him.  Once again he doesn't read the blog (thank you to all that is that he doesn't read my blog).  Oh and he wants to name it, he is liking this hanger waaaaay toooo much.

So here I sit with a very sore butt and on my best behavior.  I have a feeling that I will get more sore before he is done.  After all it takes minimum effort with that horrible wire thing.  If someone does stumble on this and has nickname ideas for his favorite punisher feel free to share.

Taking Hold of His Role

Some of this is going to be repeat from the last blog but bear with me.

I am a woman.  I am a woman with an insanely active brain and some security issues.  Our relationship has been VERY rocky.   I am very verbose and he is just NOT.  I use a lot of big words and over explain things all the time, both of which make him nuts and he tends to shut down.

So we started this DD lifestyle and he made rules and agreed to the whole thing.  Then in my mind he seemed to loose interest.  Now by this point I had done, literally, days of research on the internet and had a picture in my head of how this was supposed to work.  It wasn't working that way.

I tried taunting him, breaking rules, whining, pouting, and yelling.  Nothing.  Then I just told him that I understood that he didn't want to do this and forget it.  This got his attention, because apparently he wants to do this almost as much as me he just wasn't sure how.  So we talked about some hows and he said he wanted this role as HoH.  I realized if I wanted him to embrace his role I had to embrace mine.

So I took out all the hard limits and no's that were in place for our D/s relationship, baked a cake, made dinner, made a list of my transgressions for the last week, and put together a bag of punishment implements for him.  He accepted it all but seemed very nonchalant/uninterested.  He works about twelve hours a day dispatching for a trucking company and he is very tired when he gets home.

So we get to bed and I am watching TV in just my underwear.  He climbs into the bed and it looks like he is just going to lie down then he turns to me, takes away my cuddle pillow and tells me to get naked NOW in a voice I didn't even know he had.  Then he told me to turn on my stomach put my butt in the air and look at the wall.  I have to admit I was terrified and excited all at the same time.

I have a pretty high pain tolerance, especially for spanking, so I didn't expect him to really punish me with any effectiveness (I have to stop underestimating him or my butt won't survive).  He went through all his implements one by one and finally focused on the switch.  He is very effective with a switch.  It stung more and more and he hit me harder and harder and never hit the same spot twice.

When he was done my butt burned but we had incredible sex.  Massive orgasms, yes plural.  Then we ran into a little problem, and my mouth (my butt hates my mouth).  He asked if I enjoyed that and I assumed he meant everything including the spanking and I started to pout.  I am not supposed to enjoy punishment and if he doesn't get that then he really doesn't want this and he just wants kinky sex. See how insane my mind works, you don't want to go into my mind, it is a scary place.

So he knows there is something wrong with me and I try to shut down but he is having done of it.  He pulls the whole thing out of me and assured me that he did want the whole nine yards (I really stick on a bad reference don't I).  He says I don't seem to be getting anything out of the punishment thing and asks if my butt hurts.  This is where my big fat mouth came in and got me in trouble.

Now he had worked me over with the switch very effectively and thoroughly, but the thing about a switch is that it hurts a lot at the time if you use it right, which he does (insert curse word here).  However, after about five minutes the effect is gone and there is no pain.  Soooo when he asked if my butt hurt I said no, not at all (told you I have issues).

We talked about ways to make punishment more effective and still quiet and doesn't require a lot of time to get it's point across.  We live in an apartment building and we have two kids. I will give you one guess what happened next.  Yep, that is correct, I opened my big mouth fat stupid mouth.  What about a wire hanger I said, not thinking that it would hurt that bad or that he would go for it.  He went for it.

He got the wire hanger out of the closet and told me to lay on my stomach and put my butt in the air.  Like I said I have a pretty high pain tolerance.  I barely make a sound when he is using the switch at full force.  I have never asked him to stop.  I usually  think he is a bit too light (I think he might still be working through his issues about hurting me).  Enter wire hanger.

He starts to barely hit me with the hanger and I cringe from the serious sting.  Then he starts to hit harder.  He smacks and I wriggle all over the place.  My mind explodes in pain. As he rapidly hits at medium hard I cannot keep still.  I am moving all over the place. Then I actually beg him to stop.  He does stop and I am insanely relieved thinking we can just put the experience behind us.  He asks if my butt hurts now (using his fabulous 'I mean business voice') and I whimper yes sir.  He hits me one more time hard and pain explodes through my body.  Then he says, "I stopped because you asked me to, but next time I won't.  If you cannot behave yourself then you will be getting punished thoroughly from now on."

Pause here to explain that we have been doing this for about two weeks.  He is learning scary fast.

He gives me permission to get up and get a cigarette (yes I know it is awful).  As I leave the room I stick my tongue out at him and he says, "I will deal with that later."  Told you he was learning scary fast.

Things come in threes and my big mouth is no different.  I am laying there and I point out (yes I am stupid) that now he has a tool he can use at pretty much any time.  We never have to have an argument again because if I start getting smart mouth or start to pout or won't talk he can warn me once and then take me to the bedroom whether the kids are up or not, because it is really quiet, and hit me three or four times with his new best friend, just that few hits would make an impression, and then tell me I am going to get thoroughly punished later.  End of argument, trust me.

It is going to be really really painful for a while.

The Back Story

I know, you are thinking, "Please not another DD blog that tells the same story, but I have always wanted to do this and I NEED to put my thoughts down about all of this.  Like most things in life there is a story behind all of this.  I will try to keep it brief, but my tendency to be naturally verbose is working against me.

My partner and I have known each other for about eight and a half years.  We met when I moved in next door to him, and my oh so helpful roommate told me that I ought to try it out and see what I thought.  Try it out I did and through a series of circumstances that are another story completely I very soon became pregnant.

I know women who get pregnant and they glow and have energy and just feel like wonderful creating new life.  I am NOT one of those women.  My blood pressure rises, I get gestational diabetes, my kidneys shut down, and eventually so does my liver.  Not pretty or easy, but I make beautiful babies (I know I am not objective but I have been told by objective sources).

My partner was kind, helpful, understanding, and wonderful during all of this and then we had our perfect baby boy.  You would think that after all I went through that I would never want to have another child, but you will soon realize that I don't learn very quickly.  So less than one year later they took my beautiful daughter by emergency C-section to keep me from dying. Obviously (I also state the obvious rather often) I made it and have two amazing babies and am permanently fixed so that I cannot do that to myself again. (Imagine that I am something of a masochist)

Now my partner was an over the road truck driver for most of our relationship, so he was really only home about one weekend a month.  I promise I will not go through every detail of our relationship.  I will just say I am very hard to live with sometimes, and he is no prince himself (I say this only because I know he won't read this blog, at this moment my backside is reminding me to be good, well careful).

We are both very passionate people who had really screwed up childhoods and carry a lot of baggage.  You can probably imagine the screaming competitions.  We would break up and one of us would leave, we would get back together, only it would take months because we are both also really stubborn.  To make a long story short he ended up in the city with my babies and I was left behind.  Things calmed down and he allowed me to move in with him and the babies.  I knew that I wanted this to work this time (we really do love each other to an epic degree).

Then I read Fifty Shades of Grey (now you may shake your head with shame).  I approached him with the idea of D/s with a great amount of trepidation.  He embraced it, and after a few hesitant attempts he starting getting good at spanking in sexual play.  The sex was insane good, but frankly we had always been pretty good at that.  Our relationship has taken a LOT of damage and I knew we were on the right road but it was going to take more to put the pieces back together.  Then I stumbled on a Domestic Discipline blog.  Fast forward through three days of me reading blogs from beginning to end.

I approached this with insane trepidation.  He liked the idea.  He wanted to do the whole thing.  Not just the kinky sex, but rules, standards, punishment and the whole nine yards (pause for moaning at the bad reference).  We went through a couple of weeks of him feeling his way out and me being impatient.  Then I read some really good advice on a blog that said if you want him to take control then let go of it yourself and submit.

Sooooo, I took out all the hard limits and safe words and no's that we had in place, wrote a list of all the things I had done to break the rules, and put together a bag of implements for him to punish me with.  Then I baked him a cake, made his dinner and presented him with the list and bag.  He stepped up big time. To read about that story you will have to read the next blog. ;p