tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4374135323045586004.post3758584338589800011..comments2015-04-03T01:26:44.313-05:00Comments on Care and Training of a Rose: Finally Defining PunishmentFinally Spankedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02396470837959753156noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4374135323045586004.post-19107687550104710062015-04-03T01:26:44.313-05:002015-04-03T01:26:44.313-05:00Here are some thoughts from a dom.
First, punishm...Here are some thoughts from a dom.<br /><br />First, punishment is about the mind (the "head space", as you say). So, I think you can speak to him about differentiating punishments from play.<br /><br />One way to make them different is to establish some guidelines for punishment. A "disciplinary framework" helps. This is a table that lays out the type of misbehavior in levels, the types of punishments normally given for those levels, and examples. For example, saying a bad word might be at a low level and causing a ruckus with friends would be at a higher level. About five levels is enough to provide guidance. The framework is guidance. The dom should use his/her discretion.<br /><br />But, basically, if you misbehave you both know what kind of punishment you are going to get for this. And if you repeat the misbehavior, the punishment level should go up.<br /><br />(This also works for children--minus the hitting. It gives consistency to discipline, which is very important for results. Children need discipline; they do not need to be hit, as you suggested.)<br /><br />Second, the culprit should connect the misbehavior with the punishment. If she doesn't feel she has misbehaved or understand the pain is a consequence of that behavior, then she won't feel punished and it won't have a deterrent effect. The disciplinary framework helps here, too, because she can be told, "You did X and that's going to get you this kind of punishment." The kind of punishment tells her the level of her misbehavior. It reminds her that this is punishment, not play.<br /><br />Third, smacking the bottom is only a part of the punishment. Another key element is realization that the behavior is bad. I sometimes ask the submissive to be very explicit. She is required to say, "I was bad. I did X and X is bad because (of reason). I deserve to be punished. Please punish me." This makes it clear that what follows is not play. It helps her understand she's getting a punishment. It can be very hard for her to say these words. (If you don't believe me, try it some time when you've been bad.)<br /><br />To distinguish the punishment from play I usually give the girl a lecture before and thought time afterward. Then I check she's got it. So, I make her clarify exactly what was bad, and help her understand if there's any confusion. It sounds like Vincent does this during the spanking, but you might ask him to start with this and continue it as he applies the pain.<br /><br />After the spanking I regularly give the girl corner time. I tell her she's got 5, 10, 15 minutes in the corner and I'll let her know when the time is up. I tell her I will then have some questions for her and she'd better get the answers right, or she might be back over the knee. After corner time the questions make sure she's clear why she's been punished. Corner time is an effective deterrent to repeat offense, sometimes more effective than a good whipping. I sometimes also give corner time before the spanking, providing a time for the submissive to dread what's coming. But I almost always give it after the spanking so she can associate it with a sore bottom.<br /><br />Finally, I want her to promise me she won't do it again, with the understanding she wants me to punish her if she does. The promise is another deterrent to future misbehavior because she knows that repeating isn't just bad behavior it's breaking a promise.<br /><br />I don't think you need to be hit harder to experience punishment. I think you need to clarify with Vincent what you expect from the punishment. You can incorporate whatever parts of this you want. I gave you a rather complete picture here because I think if you see it as a whole it might make it easier for you to get what you want.<br /><br />Good luck and let us know how it comes out!Rich Personhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01029518662880068066noreply@blogger.com