Scary Place

I started writing this blog so that I can work out what is in my head.  My head can be a scary place.  I try not to spend too much time in there.  If I do allow myself to spend time in my head I start to over think things to an extreme measure.  I dwell, brood, over-analyze and just make mountains out of ant hills in general.

So, the idea is that I take the stuff running around in my head and put it down in black and white.  Work through the thoughts and feelings.  Then leave them on the page.

Vincent is not a huge talker.  He is not really the strong silent type, but he will never enjoy talking something to death the way that I do.  He wants to state what is, decide, and then let it go.  So instead of trying to make him work through what is in my head I do that with this blog.  Then when I bring something to him it is focused and I have worked out a respectful way of saying it.

One of the things that I am really working on changing is making him feel that I am always telling him he is doing something wrong.  When I open my mouth I don't want him to think, "Oh no, what have I done now?"

He is working on not making that assumption and I am working on expressing my needs in a less combative manner.  For example, instead of telling him that he is doing something wrong, I tell him how I felt when something happened and ask him what he thinks we can do together to make us better.

I am also learning to simply accept, even especially when things do not go the way that I expect.  All those disappointing feelings still exist however.  Which brings us full circle to writing this blog to help me sort things out.

I said all that to say this, I need to actually write on my blog for it to do me any good.  I haven't been writing down anything lately.  Like many things that are good for me (exercise, quitting smoking, not eating things that are deep fried and covered in cheese) I just don't do it the way I need to for it to do me any good.

Welcome to my most recent new leaf.  Everyday, whether it is a paragraph or an essay, I am going to write something in my blog.  Today I am actually  going to write two posts.  I wanted to get all this out of my head and I need to process that last week.  I am actually starting to feel a little sorry for my blogger.

;p